Today was day 4 in hospital and surprisingly much better. No Braxton hicks, no pains and I feel slightly normal other than the utter exhaustion and sore hips from this awful bed. Jamie came and saw me after lunch and brought Monopoly for us to play. We sat around for 2 hours playing before I cracked the shits because I was losing and told him I’d had enough. I don’t know why they call that game Monopoly, they should change the name to “Homewrecker” or “Who will throw a tantrum first”, seriously who ever plays a round of Monopoly with people and no one cracks it? Anyway, so that was a nice distraction. The rest of the day/evening went pretty smoothly, nothing crazy to report on (thank goodness). Today was also the first day since being in the hospital that I haven’t cried! Bonus! Fortunately, this one is a short update due to the non-eventful day I’ve had. Will update you all again tomorrow!
Day 5 in hospital… alright, today was not a good day. I am BEYOND exhausted at this point and the sleeplessness is officially starting to get to me. I actually feel sick I am that tired. Unfortunately the tiredness triggered my anxiety and by late this afternoon I was having severe panic attacks. Luckily Jamie came in straight away when I called him and managed to calm down. Jamie decided I would be going home regardless because as far as we knew everything was fine and I was due to go home today anyway, so he quickly packed my stuff away and called in the nurse asking if we could discharge. She said she wanted to check with Dr Cerqui first, who was just about to go and deliver a baby, so she quickly asked him, when she returned she said that he was very concerned and asked her not to let us leave until he can come and see me and that he would see me as soon as he was done. I was hoping the reason he seemed concerned was because he was obviously busy when she had asked him, but I had a gut feeling I’d be wrong…
About half an hour later Dr Cerqui came in and said there’s no way I’d be going anywhere. I instantly burst into tears, not just a few tears, I’m talking the whole blubbering, cant breathe sort of crying. He explained that he was actually planning on keeping me in hospital for AT LEAST another 3-4 weeks, which completely shocked me as I thought everything was fine going by what he had said on Friday. Jamie asked if I could just come home and see him for an appointment in a few days as we only live 5 minutes from the hospital and the Doctor said if I was his wife he would want me in hospital. We explained to him that I wasn’t coping and was feeling very anxious and not sleeping and he actually offered to sedate me, that’s when we realised it must be serious for me to stay in hospital if he is willing to knock me out in order to keep me here. Jamie then asked (he asked most of the questions as I was clearly too upset to talk) why I need to be in hospital so badly, is it the cervix? Is there any cervix left? Dr Cerqui explained that there was a bit of cervix left (wouldn’t tell us how much which makes us think it isn’t much) and that the waters are beaking into the opening of the stitch but that the stitch is holding at this stage. He said it’s a good thing as the waters aren’t bulging through the stitch or anything yet. However, what he said next I definitely didn’t expect… “He isn’t here yet but he is close, which is why you need to be here as things can happen very quickly.” So basically, if I wanted to do the best thing for my son and give him the best chances I need to be in hospital at least until I reach 32 weeks, so that is what I am doing. I’m still really upset and pretty shocked that he could be here so soon, but at least I know I am doing absolutely everything I can to keep my baby safe and healthy.