Just Remember This Isn’t Forever {Part 1}

“Just remember this isn’t forever” is what I keep telling myself, fighting back tears as I lay in a hospital bed yet again. The past 36 hours have been extremely emotionally draining and I just don’t even know how to feel anymore. We went in for my 28 week appointment, and for some (stupid) reason I didn’t think anything would be wrong. I thought that my cervix would be the same and I would get to go home and keep going as I have been for the past 3ish weeks. I was very wrong. We were told that my cervix has shortened (only slightly however) and that my waters are now sitting at the opening at the top of my stitch which definitely isn’t ideal. I was then told I would be going into hospital that day and being put on bed rest (only allowed to be up to wee and shower) due to some painful Braxton Hicks I had been having the past few days. Safe to say I burst into tears and so did my poor Husband, luckily we had Mum and Dad there for support. We then raced home, packed as much of my stuff we could and came straight to the hospital, where things got even more frightening. Once I told the midwives why I was being admitted, I had about 5 nurses/midwives in my room and was immediately hooked up to a CTG (which detects contractions and monitors bub’s heartrate). After being on the machine for about 15 minutes, one of the midwives told me not to unpack my bags as I would most likely be going to Brisbane (as they don’t deliver here until 32 weeks). We were also told by another midwife that I’d be lucky to make it to 30 weeks and that every day bub stays in there is a bonus. This news obviously frightened all of us and put our stress levels through the roof. We didn’t know what to do and all of the nurses were just saying “at this stage we’re taking the wait and see approach”, which doesn’t give much of an idea as to what will happen, I guess they knew about as much as we did. Mum and Dad ended up going back to my home town (where they live) late that afternoon after going shopping and buying me a whole bunch of stuff including clothes, books, scratchies (or lottery tickets you might call them overseas), toiletries etc as well as sorting my clothes and everything out so everything was neat and tidy in my suitcase (I literally just threw everything in there without folding as single thing). We were so lucky to have my parents there, I honestly don’t know what we would have done without their support, I miss them terribly already. Later that afternoon, my doctor came in with some relieving news, he explained that he thought it was unlikely I am/was having actual contractions and that it was just strong Braxton Hicks due to the fact that they were irregular and only a little more than uncomfortable. He also explained that at this stage he just wants to see how things go and if they settle down after I get a couple of days rest and that we will go from there, which at the time I was happy with. I then received an Anti-D Injection, which was required due to the fact that I have a negative blood type, something to do with mine and bubs blood mixing and it possibly causing problems if bub has a positive blood type.

Fast forward to today and it definitely didn’t start off great. I had barely any sleep and then had to attempt the GTT at 6am (Glucose Tolerance Test). This requires you to fast for 6 hours and have a fasting blood test, then you have to drink 300ml of an extremely sweet, foul tasting liquid that has the consistency of saliva in under 10 minutes. You are then required to have 2 blood tests over the next 2 hours to determine whether you have Gestational Diabetes or not. Well, I failed that test miserably (literally as you’re about to discover). I found it impossible to get the drink down and only managed a couple of mouthfuls that made my whole body shiver in disgust each time I swallowed it. The midwife came in and I explained her that I couldn’t do it and she was fabulous about it and said “if you cant do it, you cant do it. Simple” and offered me breakfast which I accepted as I was STARVING (as I would be for the remainder of the day, but I’ll go into that a bit later). The lady performing the blood tests then came back in about an hour later after I had gotten half way through breakfast. When I explained to her I couldn’t drink it and that I had been given breakfast she cracked it and said I should have refused food and that I wouldn’t be able to do the test now and that my doctor can deal with me. Of course after having barely any sleep and being stressed out as it was, I burst into tears when she walked out. By the time the doctor came in I was full on blubbering, expecting to be yelled at for not doing the test. However, he was very good about it and said the same thing the midwife had said and that we will monitor my sugar levels over the next few days and see how they go. He also said he would be away for the weekend and that he wanted me to have another dose of steroids, which had a bitter sweet effect on my emotions. I was glad to be having another dose of steroids (even if the needle does hurt like a b*tch) but was left feeling uneasy due to the fact that he wouldn’t administer the steroids if he didn’t think bub had a chance of coming soon. To add to the uneasy feeling, he made a joke that he has always made since I had the stitch, “I don’t want to come back from being away and find out you’ve been naughty, so be good okay.” Which means “I really hope this baby doesn’t come while I’m not here”, instantly I thought “so do I mate, so do I.” and replied with “I’ll try.” Whilst smiling through tears.

Now that you’re up to date, I’ll get back to the start of the blog where I was referring to my current mantra of “Just remember this isn’t forever” which funnily enough was the thought that inspired me to write a blog, seeing as its unlikely I can sob until the cows come home when I am concentrating on updating all of my beautiful followers. As you have already read, my day started off pretty crappy, and has only gotten worse. Everything is fine with bub and there have been little to no changes with me (that we are aware of, the only way to know if anything has changed with my cervix is via ultrasound) in that respect so that is fantastic. However, I do have quite a few other complaints, safe to say I am having a “Why me?” kind of day. I’ll try and sum it up so you don’t have to read a massive paragraph of my whinging. Basically, I am beyond exhausted (as I already mentioned), the food is terrible so I am absolutely STARVING, my back is extremely sore from laying in bed all day, I feel like a bloody pin cushion I’ve had that many needles the past few days (oh and I forgot to mention, the Anti-D injection hurts about as much as the steroid injection, if not worse. I was really holding back the urge to yell obscenities whilst the nurse was administering it) and I am so tired as it is near impossible to get any more than 5-6hours of sleep due to the noise, the crappy bed and the constant monitoring. Basically I’m already over it and its only day 2.. Really hope I can go home soon.

The next day..

Today is Saturday, which means day 3 in hospital. It started out worse than yesterday funnily enough. I woke up with really intense Braxton hicks that were accompanied by period pain as well as back pain. I was put on the CTG and it showed that I was indeed having contractions every 5 minutes or so and that we will just have to “wait and see”, the doctor on call also decided to give me an extra dose of the Nifedipine in the hopes that it would settle everything down. Luckily, by tonight things have indeed settled down. I was given Panadol twice this afternoon/tonight which took away the pain and seemed to settle everything down. The midwives said that because the Panadol took the pain away my body had a chance to relax which is most likely why everything settled down. So that’s all very good news. However, tonight I had a few very sharp pains in my cervix, to the point where I was doubled over and gasping for air when they occurred. I’d say bub was kicking my cervix and tugging on the stitches. That’s the update for today. Sorry it’s a short one! But there isn’t much more to update on at this stage, still just as miserable and tired as yesterday, if not more. Stay tuned for Part 2!

 

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